Confessions Of A Fatty Girl.

I am so frustrated with myself! When I first moved here, I had my eating under control, or so I thought. I was watching portion sizes, choosing healthy alternatives, and actually felt full - or at least satisfied - when I ate, which I can honestly say is out of the norm for me.

For the last few weeks, I've continued doing well, but recently lost the sense of satiety when I finish eating. I don't necessarily feel hungry after I eat, but I feel like I still need something more in order to reach the "full" feeling that I associate with being done. I try my best to ignore it and just eat on schedule.

The weekends are a battle, though. During the week, I typically weigh-in at 166 by the end of the week. Then the weekend rolls around and we eat like crap, so I usually start the week out at 169. Yeah, water weight, I know. I have a very hard time differentiating between that and actual weight gain in my mind, though. I am terrified of weighing 170 again because I know that after 170 comes 180 and I've worked way to hard to be there again.

This week, I think that I had one good day. The others, not so much. On my high end of calories, I probably reached about 2,200 (my goal is about 1,600 calories a day) give or take a few. That is nothing compared to the binges that I was having up until October. I would easily consume that many calories in one sitting. No joke. Maybe even more sometimes.

Despite eating like poo, I've been getting up every morning to do Turbo Jam and eat oatmeal. So, I guess that I should be proud of myself for making those little changes.

Anyway, I probably ate around 2,000 calories tonight and feel hungry right now. I feel like a total blimp and was so worried, that I actually just went into the closet and tried on all my jeans to make sure they still fit.

What I'd do to think like a normal person. Ugh.

Ashley Lately

I've been sick for over a week now. My throat can be killing me one minute and hardly hurts the next. Ever orifice in my head is draining. I can't stop sneezing. For the last four days, I haven't had much of a voice. It just comes and goes as it pleases. I'm coughing up crap and my ears still hurt. I'm ready to be healthy again. Miraculously, though, Jeff hasn't gotten sick. Knock on wood.

Jeff and I had a "Saw" marathon this weekend. He had only seen the first one and I really want to see the newest one. So, we had to catch him up. :) It was fun.

Today we went to Lake Pleasant, had a picnic, and walked around. It was beautiful outside. I posted pictures on Facebook, but not on Myspace yet. There really isn't anything too exciting to see, but it was so pretty there. I couldn't resist taking a bunch of pictures.

Tomorrow, I am going to hang out with Nicole - the wife of Jeff's friend, Beau. I am really looking forward to it. I think that we are going to have lunch together and go shopping. I'm not going to buy anything, but I have a fun time looking around. Especially since they have stores that are different than I am accustomed to.

While I do that, Jeff is going out shooting with his friend Wes and then probably coming back here to play video games or whatever. I think that Wes is going to stay for dinner. Jeff is making Gnocchi for us. Yum!

Jeff has grilled for us a couple of times this week. We had chicken, rice, and vegetables on Thursday and tonight he grilled steak. I am not really a steak fan, but it was good.

I ate really well all week, but have eaten like crap the last two days. I've been eating a lot of ice cream because it soothes my throat.

So far there is no mention of whether or not they will need me in February at Interfaith. Gosh, I hope they do! I've been applying to more places, in the meantime. It is so frustrating.

My birthday is coming up. I've registered for gifts at a few places, to make it easier. Lancaster Toyota, Kay Jewelers, and Remax Realty. Just kidding. :P

I'm really looking forward to my birthday this year. Jeff is grilling me brats - Wisconsin style. :) Plus, he's getting me a cake with whipped topping because both of us loathe butter cream frosting. I'm craving cake like mad, which is odd for me.

Anyway, I am going to head to bed now. I am so tired since I haven't been sleeping very well lately.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Last Friday, I got a surprise bill from Verizon. Apparently, when my plan said "incoming calls," it meant from other Verizon customers only. Oops! I'd like to know why no one in my network told me that tidbit of information.

Allie and I talked just about every night, so I racked up a lot of minutes last month. This is the very first time that I've gone over my minutes in over five years of having a cell phone. Just what I need. So, it looks like I'll have to cut back on conversations and do most of my talking on the weekends. No worries, though. I do have unlimited text messages. :)

On Saturday, Jeff took me to "Buffalo Wild Wings." They have about 6,000 varieties of hot sauce for wings and you can choose from boneless or original. I don't eat chicken wings, so I got a fish sandwich. It was pretty good and actually really cheap.

I was surprised because most things around here are super expensive. For example, Jeff and I went to Burger King a couple weeks ago and it cost almost $18 for two meals. Unbelievable. We don't eat out very often, though. We both prefer to eat at home, but sometimes it is nice to be able to eat out on the weekends.

I wish that you guys had Safeway in Wisconsin. I love it. The people are so nice. They always address you by sir or ma'am, and even if you only have two bags, they ask you several times if you want help out. I don't even shop at Walmart anymore. Safeway has me hooked. Plus, I save a lot of money shopping there, which is always helpful in this crappy economy.

Yesterday at work, we all watched Obama's inauguration. That was the first inauguration that I watched in my life. His speech gave me goose bumps.

I got my hair cut today. It has been two months and it was getting out-of-control. Speaking of hair, I found four grey hairs in two days. Then, today, when I was sitting in the salon chair, I think I saw another one. It may have been my imagination, but I'm not ready for this yet. I'm not even 23 yet. I don't want to have to worry about dying my hair. :(

This morning, I woke up at 6:30, worked out and made myself some oatmeal. I felt really good all day.

Tonight, I am going to watch American Idol and eat pizza with Jeff. I've been looking forward to it all day.

Oh, yes, and I'm going to be an auntie x4 come July. :D

Miserable.

It is after 4:00 AM, and I am awake. I woke up about 20 minutes ago - in extreme pain. I tried to swallow. Big mistake! My throat is so much worse than it was yesterday. So bad, in fact, that I started crying. Both of my ears hurt, as well. I've never had strep throat (knock on wood), so I am hoping that that is not what I'm suffering from right now.

Two people want to hang out with me later on today, but I can't. I am just going to stay in bed all day, play on the laptop, and eat soup. I have to do it alone, though. Jeff has to volunteer at the Cardinals/Eagles game and will be gone all day. Apparently the Air Force doesn't grasp the concept of "volunteering", and he is required to do this. I picked a crappy weekend to get sick! I have no one here to baby me.

I ate like complete and total crap yesterday and I feel pretty bad about it. It's so hard to eat healthy when you feel like I do, though. Today will be better. Thankfully, Jeff goes back to day flying this week, so he will get home before 6 PM. That way, we can eat at a decent time - instead of at 9:00 at night - like we did all last week. The scale was looking pretty crappy after all the eating before bed that I did. Oh well, there is no such thing as perfection.

I am going to try to fall back to sleep now. I'm sure that I will be blogging more later on. Hopefully the next time you hear from me, I'll be feeling better! :/

Just A Friendly Little Cat.

This morning at about 5:30 AM, I was rudely awoken by a barking Toby. At first, I thought that he was dreaming because he'd only bark quietly once every 10 seconds or so. I was annoyed, though, and kept telling him to shut up. Between barks, I heard something go through the doggy door, which would explain what all the fuss was about! I made Jeff go look to see what it was, but whatever it was, it was long gone.

I am pretty sure that it is a stray cat. I see one every once-in-awhile, walking across the wall in our backyard. I've even seen it sitting by our bushes out back. This is not the first time that we've heard something come through the doggy door, so whatever the creature is, it is becoming a regular. The thought of a homeless cat coming in for food and water cracks me up. It knows enough to come in at night when it can sneak in and out unnoticed. What a smart animal!

Just wanted to share that with you because I think it is adorable.

Jimmy Buffett Can Take 'Margaritaville' And Shove It!

Last night, Jeff and I went to Josh and Stephanie's house for Josh's surprise birthday party. We got there at about 7:15 and hung out for a little bit, waiting for Josh to get home.

It was a small party, but we had a blast. I ended up putting yet another alcohol on my "never again" list - right under beer and jager. I will never, ever, EVER touch tequila again. Al just kept pouring me margaritas, I think under Josh's command. I was already pretty tipsy after one, but I'm pretty sure that I downed at least six. I started out the night with a regular margarita glass, but halfway through, switched to a gigantic Macayo's margarita glass.

The details of the evening are sketchy. What I do remember is a lot of vomit. Jeff sat in the bathroom with me most of the night, holding my hair. He put me to bed at one point, but I was so nauseous that I ended up back in the bathroom and fell asleep with my head on the toilet. I don't know how long I was there before he found me.

Steph also spent a lot of time with me in the bathroom. She was so sweet. She just sat there and talked to me, gave me water and Aleve, and brought me a sweater because I couldn't stop shivering.

This time when Jeff put me to bed, I didn't move. I just laid there for God knows how long repeating, "I'm going to die. I'm going to die."

Waking up, I didn't feel much better. I was very dizzy and wanted to puke, but my stomach was empty, so that was not an option. I wanted to just go home and be sick in my own bed. However, Jeff suggested that I sleep for a bit longer. That I did. I slept until about 11. Then, we got up and played with baby Cooper and talked to Josh and Steph for a bit before we left.

I was so hungry. Despite feeling like crap, all I wanted was a greasy burger. I don't crave burgers. Heck, I think I've only had one in the past year. So, since it was so out-of-the -ordinary for me, I fed my craving. We went to Burger King and I got my very first double whopper and was it ever delicious! I felt 110% better after that.

All that I've done today is lounge around, watching "America's Psychic Challenge" on mylifetime.com and tackled the laundry that I've been avoiding in hopes that it'd do itself.

DISCLAIMER: Aside from the fact that I have been drunk two times so far in 2009, that is very unlike me. I hate drinking and think that people who get completely hammered every weekend are morons. I can honestly tell you that I am done drinking for awhile now. I've had my fun for the year and now it is time for me to go back to being my usual, sober Ashley. After all, that is what I enjoy. Honestly, I think that, aside from this little episode, my parents should be very proud of me. Most kids my age drink more in one week or two than I have in my lifetime and that is the truth!

The Worst Morning Ever.

I am having the worst day ever and all because of a little dog named Toby. I haven't been this pissed off in a long, long time!

I leave the house at around 8:30, like usual. However, this time Toby comes running around the back of my car when I'm putting my stuff in my trunk. I'm like, "What the heck?" I look over at our gate and see that he has tunneled his way under the fence as if he were a prisoner.

Pissed, I grab him and go into the backyard. I fill the hole back up and put a 2x4 in front of the opening, It doesn't cover it all the way, so I also put our garbage can, recycling bin, flower pots, and a bike in front of the gate. Note: this is on the inside of the gate, so people passing by will not see it.

It is now pushing 8:40, and I'm freaking out because I don't want to be late. So, I get in my car and before I can even put my car in gear, the little brat appears again.

Furious, I call my boss, but can't get through because something is messed up with the phone system or something. So, I just throw Toby in my car and take off down the road. I get halfway there before I get a hold of Kamisha. By this time it was about 8:55.

I asked her if I could bring Toby with and explained the situation. I hope that I made sense because I was panicking and on the verge of crying. I couldn't bring Toby for more than 30 minutes, but that didn't help me any. Jeff wouldn't be home until after I got home. She asked if I could just be late. I told her that I could run to Wal Mart to look for a kennel. Then, she told me that they were short on participants anyway, so I could just stay home and come in Monday. That way, I'd have time to figure something out.

I couldn't lock him in a room because the last time I tried that, he dug under the door, shredding the carpet. The only way of "locking" him in the house is to shut the screen door, so he can't get out of his doggy door, but it would only be a matter of time before he ripped his way through that.

I feel like the worst person in the world right now. I haven't even been there a month. Granted, things happen, but WHY ME? It'd be one thing if I was an actual employee, but I am only on-call. Why in the world would I need to call in ever?

I am just praying to God that she understands and doesn't hold this against me. I've already been trying to work my ass off to show them that I can do this, but God just had to throw a wrench into it for me. So, from here on out, I am going to bust my ass like you won't believe.

I guess that I should just be grateful that he did it in front of me - instead of while I was at work. Thank God for that!

This weekend, I am going to look up games, worksheets, and exercises that the participants can do and I am going to keep them in my work bag because I need some ideas and inspiration. I wasn't formally trained on how to do the activities, I am just kind of learning as I am signed up for things. So, this will help a lot if I am prepared.

My biggest worry is having to learn how to drive the bus. I hate backing up a car, can you imagine me in a bus?!

Since I can't work today, Toby is just going to have to wait in the car while I take the test to get my food handler's card.

The Wild, Wild West...

On Friday, we woke up around 9:30 and got ready to leave for Tombstone. On the way, Jeff stopped for gas. However, he forgot to put his gas cap back on and it isn't connected to a chain or anything, so he had to find a JEEP dealership and buy another one. Then, we stopped for lunch. So, by the time we actually got on the road, more than an hour had been wasted. It was quickly approaching noon.

Jeff had a few other places he wanted to stop, but we decided that we needed to just get to Tombstone because it was about a three hour drive and we were burning daylight.

Some of the places that we stopped to pee were a little sketchy. First, we stopped at a bar and grill place. It was the only place for MILES, and I had to go. Jeff and I walked in and everyone just turned at stared at us. It was dark in there and the bathrooms were disgusting. Walking out, it was the same thing - everyone turned and stared. According to Jeff, all they were missing was a row of motorcycles parked out front and Pee Wee Herman dancing on the bar. :) Very true.

The next place we stopped, the employees were bitching at each other and hardly said two words to Jeff when he was at the counter. Even when he said, "Thank you, ma'am. Have a good day," she continued to bicker. Their bathrooms were worse than the last place. No toilet paper, instead they had a roll of paper towel sitting there and since you can't flush it, they had a wastebasket next to the toilet that was overflowing with paper towels covered with pee and poo. Gross!

So, if you are driving to Tombstone, don't drink a lot because there aren't many places to stop and the ones you find are scary Podunk places that most people would prefer to avoid.

Anyway, we finally got to Tombstone around 3:00. We stopped at the graveyard right away. A lot of people lost their lives in 1881 and 1882 and there were a lot of crosses that just said "unknown" across them.

Next, we went to a gun fight. I had never seen the movie "Tombstone", which I think would have helped me a bit, but I do remember learning about the Earps and such in school. They did a pretty good job, and I was in love with the guy that played Virgil Earp.

Afterward, we toured the actual OK Corral, photography shop, the place that Doc Holliday actually slept, and saw all of these other places and objects from the past that they managed to save. The whole time I was wishing that my dad could have been there.

We got our pictures taken, as you can see above. That was Jason's idea. Embarrassing.

Along the road, they had signs up that that told you who was killed there and when. It was very eerie to be standing in a building that someone was murdered in.

We went to the original Bird Cage Theater. It was featured on an episode of "Ghost Hunters." I believe the lady told us that there were 42 spirits that "resided" there. I may be wrong, though. I didn't see or hear anything, which was unfortunate. That night, however, they were doing a ghost story tour. I would have loved to stay for that, but we had to go.

We were absolutely starving and they insisted that we eat in Tombstone. Everywhere was pretty crowded, though. There was an old man in a wheelchair that suggested we go to "Six Gun City".

We went there and all agreed that McDonald's would've been a much better choice. It took us forever to get our drink orders taken. We ordered our food right away because we were in a hurry. We waited a good hour for our food. I didn't have all of my stuff, Jeff's meat was raw, and Jason's dinner was nothing more than cafeteria food. He couldn't even eat it, it was so gross. The waitress never came back to see how things were, so we sat there awhile. Finally, Jeff had to ask another waitress for our check. Not a good experience. So, if you are in Tombstone and that place is actually still in business, run the other way - fast.

When we got home, the guys put the movie "Tombstone" in. It was actually good, but I fell asleep. It had been a long day. So, I will finish it another day.

I was looking for cute t-shirts for my niece and nephews, but didn't see anything worth buying. Except there was a very fitting shirt for Brendan that said, "Don't worry. I won't let you sleep in." :)

If you are ever in Arizona and enjoy westerns and such, I'd recommend checking it out.

Here's To 2009!

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy and healthy new year from Jeff and me.

I haven't put much thought into my resolutions this year. I typically don't follow through with them anyway. Last year, I did pretty well. I told myself that I'd avoid elevators/escalators unless absolutely necessary. Also, trying to park further away when going to work, stores, etc.

While I will continue with those, I am also going to vow to never stop relearning how to eat like a real person and get back into my workout routine. They may seem like small feats, but for every baby step I conquer, I'm that much closer to being a healthy, happy person.

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We went over to Al and Kathy's house last night. I had been there once before, but was a little nervous about going there again because there was going to be another couple there for me to meet. So far, I have loved all of his friends and this couple was no exception. They were so much fun. Honestly, it has been awhile since I've laughed so hard.

I had a few drinks, which pretty much never happens with me. So, we stayed at Al and Kathy's for the night. I slept like a baby and woke up refreshed at about 9:30, even though I was up until about 4:30.

We played Catch Phrase. Boys vs girls. Of course, the ladies won. :)

We were going to go to Tombstone today, but got a late start, so we decided that tomorrow we are going to try to do the Tombstone/Tucson thing. Today we are just going to veg-out.

Jeff's brother leaves on Sunday. It is going to be weird not having people around.

I sure am glad that the holidays are over! One month and six days until my 23rd birthday!