It's Sunday night. I have absolutely no ambition to go to work tomorrow. Last week was terrible. I know that I'm not the only person in the world that hates their job, but I honestly don't know how much longer I can do it. It's getting worse and worse. My supervisor just keeps bringing in new participants.
There are mornings when I get there and there are already 25 people and several days when we have over 30 for the day. That is insanity. In the dining room, we are really cramped for space. Staff can hardly even walk around. At what point will she stop and realize that there are TOO MANY people?! We fight every day to people able to seat everyone. The noise level is too much. Everything we do is wrong. It is much too overwhelming. On Thursday, I was so stressed that I came home and bawled my eyes out to Jeff.
We have two rooms for activities. Both rooms have an activity scheduled in it at any given time and my supervisor doesn't want all the participants in one room. She wants them spread out. However, the other day one of my coworkers decided that instead of doing her activity, she'd dump ALL of the participants off on me so that she could sit on her ass and do paperwork. Excuse me?? The room I was in didn't even have enough seating for everyone. I wanted to deck her. I am not there to do her job, too. She has special time set aside at the END of the day - when there are less people there - for her to do paperwork. She already does way less than we do. Now she is just pushing it.
I sometimes complained about working as a CNA because my supervisors ran us thin. We were always understaffed. If State had known how short we worked at times, we could have been cited, or worse. It was hard work. However, I had coworkers that I could turn to for help and support. We were a team. Aside from that, I actually liked what I did. I actually looked forward to going to work most days. I don't have that at work now. Being a CNA was physically taxing, but I'd take that over a mentally and emotionally taxing job anyday.
I will no longer being taking care of people after this job. I am done, worn out, and COMPLETELY over it. Working with the elderly was much more rewarding than what I do now. Everytime I take the participants on an outing, some stranger will stop me to tell me that I'm a "saint", or something like that. No, I'm not. To be completely honest, I hate my job and I'm pretty sure that my supervisor knows it. I've been miserable there for about 8 or 9 months now. I have really done my best to try to hide it, but it is the same thing day in and day out. I think that the happy, bubbly facade that I've been wearing is starting to become see through, the thinner my patience wears.
I probably sound like a terrible person for saying that, but I challenge all of you to just give it a whirl. Some of you are probably MUCH better people than I am and would find it to be the best thing ever. I suspect that after enough time, though, that a lot of you would know exactly where I'm coming from.
I won't be going anywhere anytime soon, though. I haven't seen any job openings that I qualify for. I pray everyday. I pray for both a new job opportunity, as well as the patience that I need to make it through another day at work. I pray to become a better person. No answers yet. I'll continue to send them out, though. Eventually He will answer, right?
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I had a really good weekend. Well, except I overdid it all weekend with food. Big time! I feel fat and sluggish. Ugh. I hate this feeling. Next weekend won't be much better, what with Halloween AND Jeff's birthday. I will be good this week, though.
Last Sunday, I made homemade pizza crust with a recipe that I found online. It turned out really well. It is something that we do frequently. However, I think that the next time we will let it bake just a few minutes longer. I will post the recipe on here, I think - in addition to anything else that I try from now on.
I made banana bread this week, since I had everything on hand and I got free bananas from work. I sent it to work with Jeff. He loved it.
It is really nice to have all the baking ingredients that you could possibly need around the house. Yesterday we made homemade waffles with another recipe I found. They were really good.
Today I made oatmeal cranberry cookies.
Tomorrow I get to bake my Amish Friendship bread that I've been waiting 27 whole days to make. I will be making pumpkin, lemon poppy seed, and the traditional Amish bread. That will make a total of six loaves! I'm sending half with Jeff and freezing the rest for a later use. :)
Jeff leaves for Texas on Saturday the 21st. His cousin is getting married. I fly out on Tuesday the 24th. One day of work that week. Thank God! I'm really scared to meet his family, though. :|
On Friday, Jeff and I just bummed around the house. On Saturday, he did yardwork, while I cleaned up the house. Then, we went out to eat at Bayrischer Hof, a German restaurant right down the road from us. It was really good! We had a party of about 20 people from his flight. It was fun.
Today we did nothing. I slept in. We watched "Confessions of a Serial Killer" (that Jeffrey Dahmer interview) together - even though I've seen in at least two other times. We fell asleep and took a nice, long nap. I woke up in time to watch ALF. :)
Tonight, Jeff is making Crawfish Etoufee, something that he had in Louisiana and has been dying to make for me. I made homemade cornbread with a recipe I found online. I hope it is good.
That is all I have to say for now. I'm not sure what we will do for his birthday, but we will have fun!
Love,
Me!
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